im truly madly deeply in love with you

finally, i have the courage to admit it to myself if not to you

the realization hit me hard when i thought i saw you with someone else

my chest constricted, i felt like being gutted

i love you

though i cannot shout it to the world and let them know

i love you

though i cannot tell you

i love you

quietly, silently

i love you the way i am allowed to love you

i love you from afar

—————————————————————————————————————

i spend sleepless nights just thinking about you

your beauty, your grace - they are incomparable

your complex personality, i cannot discern

you hooked me from the moment i saw you

and i cannot seem to let go

—————————————————————————————————————

it hurts me though that i cannot let you know

it hurts me that we cannot be together

it hurts me that my feelings for you is forbidden

it hurts me knowing that if you knew how i feel

you will back off and feel disgust towards me

——————————————————————————————————————

but somehow i feel happy knowing that i love you

finally admitting how i feel for you eased my burden

i can finally sleep knowing that i am true to myself

i love you

i really do

may be if i don’t die early i will go crazy

i’m hurting

i’m hurting again

why is it every time i get too close to a friend it ends up in a disaster

why should it be labeled and be given a dirty meaning

when it’s really platonic and it’s just the way i am

why is it so wrong to get so close to another person

why must it be given a different meaning

i’m hurting cuz once again i failed

i turned another important person away

i don’t know if she’ll remember or if she still even cares

i miss her i miss them i miss the bond

i miss us being soulmates

i miss her confiding in me having fun out of nothing

but i can’t tell her cause i’m afraid she’ll give another meaning to it

or that she doesn’t feel the same way anymore

and like my former friends that she’ll end up disgusted with me

because of who i am

i am always a failure when it come to relationships, may it be freindship or romantic

i have always been the forgotten

still is.

im tired

i lost a friend again i guess

got tired of me again

given up on me again

it happens everytime

what can i do

this is who i am

im tired of taking the blame to myself

im tired of asking for love cuz i don’t have to ask for that

i’m tired of rejection

of wanting to belong but can’t really fit in

i’m tired of people getting tired of me

im tired of this cycle

of getting close, loving a friend and then losing them

and being alone at the end of the day

i’m tired of my life

it’s not my fault i have this two poles

it’s not my fault that i am not normal

it’s not my fault that i am not understood most of the time

it’s also not their fault if they give up on me because of who i am and what i am

i ‘m just tired of being accepted when i am okay and shunned and turned away when i am not

i’m tired of people giving double meaning to my actions and putting definition to everything that i do

i’m tired of people telling me that i am insane

that i am weird

that i don’t belong and that i am not good enough

i’m tired of being forgotten

i’m tired of getting hurt over and over and over and over again

i’m tired of people defining me and putting me in a box

and moving away because of who i am

i’m tired of being alone because no one wanted to be with me

i’m tired of people deciding what’s right for me, of what i’m capable of

of what i should do, on imposing limitations

i’m tired of people being there when i’m fun and moving away when i am in the state of depression

i’m tired i’m just dead tired

god knows i want to be there

i want to be happy with them

but they’re the ones whe forget

who tells me i should not be there and not fun enough to be with

who decides that i should not be there because i don’t fit in

and that i am not appropriate

that i am not enough

that i should not be there

that i am too dramatic toxic bullshit

im tired

sad thing is they are tired of me and have given up on me

they keep on telling me that they understand

but they don’t

if they understand they won’t treat me like this.

lorddddddddd

help me not think negative thoughts

pleaseeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

im begging you!!!!!!!!!!

im begging you….

i cannot handle it anymore……

i hate the world….

i hate everything

i hate that im hating the world

i used to be so positive

lorrrrrrrrddddddddd

help me pleaseeee

what do i dooooo….

i feel empty…

im going to snap sooner or later

lordddddddddddddd

let me see and appreciate THE purpose of my being here…..

please

i beg you

please… .

my thoughts…

i can’t handle them anymore

it’s eating me… .

let me see a sign… .

please…

lordddd…

let me forget

let me forgive and let me not think anymore

help me lessen my anger and hatred….

i beg you…

let me be happyyyy…

my boss is a blessing in disguise

he’s a good mentor

i learn a lot from him

if all bosses are like him

this office will be a better place

yep.yep.

truth is, at the end of the day you can’t really rely on anyone but yourself.

you cannot trust anyone

words are just words, if not put in fruition they are nothing

restart expecting nothing from anyone

expectation results in disappointment then turns into hurt and sometimes to depression

(via happythings)

to prove your superiority you have to shout at me?

that’s your leadership style?

disgusting and weak

if you don’t understand what i am saying you can ask moron

you do not know how to communicate

coward, you can’t take the blame, can’t take responsibility

bullshit

it’s okay to tell me you’re angry

to tell me i’m wrong

to tell me i am stupid

but don’t shout at me in front of other people

you’re not even my boss

i have no respect for people like you

i don’t care if you’re the senior vice president of a department

you won’t break me

you’re still a moron

you’re defensive because you know i am smarter than you

you want me to look stupid to everyone just to prove you’re the boss and you’re smart

you’re a pathetic asshole

you’re nothing